20.04.25

somewhere in the woods, walking aimlessly. it's not dark out, but it's not early day either. each step i take, further away from the life that i leave behind. i'm lost between these identical trees, and repeating flowers. another step, another leaf i hear. but i'm not alone, i never could be ever since you've found your way to me. you follow every step i take, making sure your shoes are placed on the same place mine once stepped in. and annoyance grows. leave me be forever, let me find that quietness in emptiness. but at the same time, i don't ever want you to leave me. fill my internal emptiness with your external love.

19.04.25

i vomit words, hoping it'll make you love me more.

01.04.25

your blue eyes, as light as the sky in daylight. i feel like i'm floating when i look at you, like a feather in that same sky. but and the time goes, the sun grows tired. the sky darkens, and your eyes do too. light blue fades to dark, reminding me more of the depths of our oceans. i can't look too long, before i fall in. the depths scare me, they drown me. you know i never liked swimming so deep into the ocean.

23.02.25

the one that looked, met their fate. is it them that are at blame? or is it the one that grabbed their hand. do you choose who will hurt you? or do they choose you.

20.02.25

to love you, there has to be nothing of me to love.

12.02.25

this town is always empty. sitting in a play park, on the swings. thought i barely move, as the heavy snow keeps my feet in place. it's quite late too, but the street lights keep sight just enough. i wonder where it is, that i must go. i run, but it seems that my track is a circle. maybe it's me who doesn't want to go. i send myself back. i'm freezing, it's numbing. where could i be, that's any better, than the painful cold? i rest, in this empty town. the only thing to fill it up with, are the memories i have.

11.02.25

a mutual acceptance of eachothers presence. a tender touch to the skin. sensitive. the hardened finger tips, to a soft cheek. one sided words, but locked in eyes. it hurts me, what you call love. i always look up, have you ever noticed? the stars in the sky, the stars on the ceiling. a star never falls down, to where you look.

26.11.24

calm demeanor, caught my eye. a soft gaze, a charming smile. you've really sparked my interest, looking at your face, trying to analyze each detail to keep in my memory. i know i won't see you any time soon, maybe never, so don't let me forget you now. it is through a friend we meet, the creator of the bridge, but also the gatekeeper of it.

16.10.24

i walk through the city, looking at each building my eyes can reach. at night it's truly special. office buildings with little to no lights, no people, but homes are filled with warmth. i take note of each special room i see, appreciate the differences in us. aspirations grow inside of me as i see them living their lives, maybe just as they have envisioned. every object placed with intent, every step made delicately. i long to reach that life. the peace of mind, the calmness of the life i have built. the grounding feeling of being alive. yet, i am not there, i do not yet live. in my mind, i continue to walk through the snowy fields. each day getting darker and colder. the layers of snow grow, as i feel more sunken into the emptiness of it. losing sense of the ground. i continue to wonder what i am meant to reach, as all i wish is to reach the end. the end does not entail anything to me, and perhaps that's what it means. wishing for a hand to hold, i continue to put my hand out, regardless of how cold it'll become. time and time again, as one grabs my hand, they'll soon sink into the snow. must i be fated to walk alone?

10.09.24

your empty embrace was more than i have ever felt before, for a split second it felt so real. it felt warm, comfortable, until i noticed the poison you left on me. i felt it every night, in the cold. the only comfort i'll never lose. you were supposed to hold my hand, through the halls, through the white lights.

09.02.24

i asked you before. don't turn the lights off in my room. what's your need to have them off? you don't live here.

01.03.23

as the warm light from my lamp lights up the room, we sit on the soft mattress. it's late, the window blinds are closed, it's just us. as time passes we grow tired, sitting across each other talking in detail about our day. i look into your eyes, i see kindness and peace, the eyes i fell in love with. i ask you to play the melody that i love, on the harmonica you bought. as you play it, i am reminded of home. you are my warmth, you are my home. as it ends, i can only hope to be with your warmth for as long as i can live. i hug you as tightly as i can, i want you to hug me until the day ends. i fall on the bed, close my eyes and hope to see you again. the bed feels cold, as you were never there. all i’ve ever wished, is that you exist, outside of my mind.